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The loser I have been

Love: I don't understand love, I don't...I had it once or else I thought I had..at that time I was as crazy for her as a dog is meeting their master..I enjoyed every moment spent with her, few of my best jokes and dialogues in life were from that time..I was cretin this was the closest i have come to loving somebody..I was infatuated with her looks her eyes, her smile , her voice , everything and I ignored everything which can be displeasing about her. It didn't work out, next few years I spent finding someone which was the closest replica of hers..It didn't work out either.

Meanwhile doing that I ignored those who were found of me, and i consider this as my biggest mistake, It's always been very difficult for me to move on, why I ask why should I move on from something so perfect, so pleasing. those were the moments I wished that the time should stop. but now those people who were my closest friends, few of the people I care about deeply have moved on and that is also very difficult for me to handle, I feel depressed , lonely ..years that I spent making a bond i feel that has been weaken, because of new people coming in their life, I know I can't stop that, I should accept that and move on..but this moving on part, pains , It does I don't know why but it does. why is it so difficult for me to live in the present. when everyone around me is doing so. why do I want to hold everything in my hand at once and I end up loosing all. my best friends, the people i love..everything gone..changed..moved on. i say my clock ticks slowly.

Career : Never satisfied with the money I'm making, all my old best of friends are making more money that me and I had always had this vision that I would be the one who will achieve more in life. I had this self belief that I will bang one of the best placement of the campus and it's not that i didn't get the chance but I spoiled it, people have bigger expectations of me and me myself also have bigger expectations out of myself, then why do I feel that I am stuck now. what are my options ? MBA? Study abroad (Msc.)? IIT (M.tech)? swich job for a higher package or continue with this job for a year or two and then decide. while i'm doing that people are moving forward. in life and it pains.

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